A Small Miracle

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This post isn't about me getting laid.  When that small miracle occurs, rest assured I will describe the event in excruciating, stomach-churning detail.  No, what I am about to say is infinitely more interesting.  You might wanna empty your bowels before you read any further, so that the shock of the following paragraph doesn't cause you to fill your pants.  Think I'm joking?  Hey - don't say I didn't warn you.

Back in the early-mid 80s, when I was a budding camper/survivalist, I purchased a high-tech waterproof flashlight at a store in Palo Alto.  I remember that the battery was special - it was lithium, and it was supposed to last 10 years(!).  Let's say I bought that Tekna Splashlight in 1985.  Well, that flashlight never felt quite right to actually use, so in the decades since it has spent years at a time hidden in various bugout containers, and to this day I have never actually used it.  But every few years I pull it out and turn it on...and it still works, as the photo below attests!  The battery is...let's do the arithmetic here...probably 27+ years old, and still functioning.  That is rather astonishing.  Most batteries begin to leak acid after a few short years, and actually destroy the plastic casing of the flashlight in doing so.  That's it.  That's my exciting story.  You may now fill your pants, if you haven't already vacated yourself.

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Tomorrow I may take a file to the false edge of my East German AK-47 bayonet, and attempt to give it a real, double-sided edge.  I run the risk of utterly destroying the blade, but then again the thing is built like a tank and can only spread peanut butter at the present time, so I don't have much to lose.  It's not like I'm going to diminish its razor edge.

The photo below shows the false edge, which can't cut paper.  Yes, this...tool, for want of a better word...would function as a bayonet...but you would have to jam it into your victim, the way you would jam a nail or a pen or a railroad spike or anything else that does not have an actual sharp knife edge.

This next photo shows the other side of the blade, which has precisely no edge whatsoever!  This is the side that I will file down.  The key will be in angling the new edge consistently.

Don't get me wrong - I absolutely adore my AK-47 bayo.  Like the AK-47 it is meant to augment, it is designed to last a hundred years, even if buried in the mud and never maintained.  I don't refer to it as a knife, but rather as a tool, because while it can't presently cut anything, it can spread peanut butter, dig, open letters, punch holes in flesh, pry nails, cut wire...and replace a tent stake.  It appeals to the creative side of me.  You can't bust it, no matter what you use it for.  But if you did bust it, you wouldn't care anyhow, because it's no work of art.  Just think of it this way: THIS BAYONET DOES NOT EVER NEED TO BE SHARPENED.  BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE SHARPENED.  IT HAS NO EDGE.

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After less than a week, my lock picking skills have increased dramatically.  I figured something out.  When using the tension lever, there is no tension, the "tension zone", and full tension.  Full tension locks the pins in place.  What you want to do is hold the lever in the tension zone, and gently move it back and forth, taking care not to bridge the boundary to no tension or full tension.  When you learn to do this correctly, locks that otherwise seemed virtually impossible to open, open in a matter of seconds.  The reason being that the gentle motion in the tension zone allows the pins to slide right into place...and stay.

But also, my sense of touch has increased dramatically.  I am using new parts of my brain.  It causes me to think differently, and to visualize the interior of the lock.  Pretty cool.

Lock picking is a fun hobby.  And the motto for us hobbyists is: "Only pick locks that you own".  For obvious legal reasons...but also because it damages the locks.

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Beautiful weather today.  Absolutely heavenly.  Spent the afternoon in the shed, sorting tools and materials, figuring out some crafty and inexpensive Christmas presents.  The cat stalked and almost caught a bird, but the bird merrily flew away.  I went on two separate bike rides around town.  No traffic.  Ahhhhhh.  Happy Thanksgiving!

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