Monday, February 16, 2009

There's A Black Angel At This Hippie Survivalist's Table

Shadow Cecilia -- aka Fluffy Girl -- is my daughter and my constant companion. I adopted her when she was still a kitten. It took me two months to tame her -- then I popped her in a cage and brought her home to my apartment, where she now resides. Shadow is an exceptional feline specimen: Jet black with yellow eyes and pointed ears and a wet nose, and quite fluffy. She wears the pants in our household, and if I act according to my own wishes and not hers, I pay the price. I must constantly remind here that WE DON'T SCRATCH THE PEOPLE WE LUV, WE LUV THE PEOPLE WE LUV! All the tomcats in the neighborhood are madly in luv with her, and I must drive them away with a broom to keep her honor -- and mine -- intact. This task never ends!

But I'm here to talk shop. You see, Shadz is a survivalist's wet dream of a pet. She's priceless. She provides eggs, milk, wool, security, warmth and stress-eliminating cuddles. Actually, she harbors special snugglebug powers which defy easy description. Sleeping with her is like sleeping with God. And woe to the unwary -- her claws are like shards of glass, and she's not afraid to use them. Her beserker personality ensures that any aggressive intruder -- and possibly even innocent old me! -- will be slashed to ribbons in mere seconds. So, I'm here to sell you on cats. Consider a cat a sound investment. And if you find her eggs too small, or her milk to meager, accrue a small herd of kittehs. All you have to do is water them and throw them each a half-cup of kibble a day, and they will surround you with their own special brand of abundance.

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