Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Flugerville and is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.
I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time “working girl”.
All things considered, my problem is this… I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who is an Obama supporter?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
____________________________
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, PIG!
Man yells out window, Bitch!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.
___________________________
Q. What's the difference between a hippie and an onion?
A. Nobody cries when you cut a hippie!
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Flugerville and is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.
I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time “working girl”.
All things considered, my problem is this… I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who is an Obama supporter?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
____________________________
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, PIG!
Man yells out window, Bitch!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.
___________________________
Q. What's the difference between a hippie and an onion?
A. Nobody cries when you cut a hippie!
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