Me Again!

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Good Lord, I'm back again.  Third blog entry in one day...one very trying day that has reduced me to a low & burnt-out state.  Here goes:

I believe that in my last life I was a German officer on the Eastern Front in World War II, and that I had a hard, desperate run across Battlefield Russia.  I blew a lot of shit up along the way, and also suffered the soul-fracture that all battle-hardened soldiers suffer.  That said, I am perfectly willing to admit that I may be completely full of shit.  Reincarnation may not exist, and/or I may be fantasizing.  It doesn't really matter, because I carry the story of this wasted man within me, whether it is metaphorical or literal, from this life or another.

But this story/memory/fantasy is why I am a survivalist.  I have no illusions about the evil, violence and destruction that man -- even good men! -- can wreak upon humanity and the earth.  All men are capable of the same rotten things -- rape, torture, wanton destruction, murder, looting, mayhem, massacres, etc. -- given the right circumstances.  Never, ever, ever forget that civilization is a thin veneer which is quickly and easily wiped away.  Because that is the truth, and if you don't believe it, then you are a fucking idiot.

I also believe that I have been a monk in past lives, and studied Eastern esoteric traditions.  Oh, I know, that's even more bullshit than the soldier BS above!  But again, it doesn't matter if it's the biggest, blackest crock of shit ever spouted by mortal man, or a fantasy, or a downright lie, or the truth, BECAUSE...I carry a monk inside me.

And this is why I am a hippie: Because I believe that we evolve as souls, thru the experience of living.  Even the bad stuff assists with our growth.  It's a very long journey -- 8.5 million human lifetimes alone if I remember correctly! -- and that's not even counting the near-eternal journey from single particle up thru the realms of mineral, plant, animal to human.  Describing it is enough to almost make me weep.  It sucks.  Sucks so bad I just wish it weren't true.  But I think it is.  God is constantly spawning and re-absorbing an infinite number of universes, in order to experience himself.  Every particle in every universe is God, seeking knowledge of Himself.  We are advanced particles, if you will.

Oh, Lord.  It's all too much to contemplate.  It almost makes me sick.  But it's there.  There it is.  Do me a favor.  Go smoke a cigarette, or have a shot of Jack, or sniff a little something good, cuz I can't any more.  It's not in my cards.  I gotta somehow get my shit together while I still can, so when the Shit Goes Down I have the wherewithal to help others help themselves.

It's all so depressing I could sleep forever.

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